View 5 is in da House!!!!

LOL at the haters.

LOVE this video. Thank you… And btw, you were awesome today at VMworld!

ROFL! Good humor, I like it.

i can’t believe they did this in the citrix car park!!!

great job guys

Cool Keep on that way …

I just found the directors notes on WikiLeaks….

Scene 1 – Car Park

Long shot of dude in car park having fit of annoyance having just realized that he can’t print anything or connect any USB devices to his new iPad2.
He tries to get some help from available web forums, but due the lack of Flash support he is stopped in his tracks.

3 additional guys spot him and gibber something in various languages but need to enlist the help of a couple of righteous American cone head dudes who can more fluently explain the situation.

Although the iPad dude is suffering the ignominy of having bought a device which is not fit for purpose the righteous American dudes point out that he could layer on top of this a second rate ‘virtual desktop’ solution, and then fail to print, connect or actually use his tiny desktop real estate for anything really productive, bar impressing other cone head dudes with no sense of reality.

American dudes try slipping into street talk, innit, in order to get their message across to the no doubt thousands of CIO’s across the world who are under 15 and have a clue what they are chattin’ about…..well sick man!

Apparently the solution is cheap…it’ll need to be in order to recoup the cost of deploying thousands of very expensive but essentially useless Apple tablet devices to the workforce!!

Cue really annoying ‘Citrix Summit’ type music with a heavy beat, aimed at keeping people with 4 times the UK legal blood/alcohol limit flowing through their veins, wide awake. The message is obviously going to be a dull one, otherwise no need for the anti-narcolepsy tunes!

Scene 2 – The Dance Scene

Note for wardrobe #1 – need to acquire 150 garish, ill-fitting, uncoordinated outfits to distract the viewers from the fact that the backdrop is just the company car park.

Note for wardrobe #2 – Scrap that last request, just let them wear their own work clothes.

Cue troop of embarassed looking VMWare employees with various corporate messaging stapled and glued to various parts of their anatomy. Those with ASBO’s and restraining orders which prevent them from being identified can wear wigs and dark glasses. The same rule applies to those who don’t want to be identified as part of the VMWare View5 product team….we’re desperate, but infringing human rights could be costly.

Note to editing team at 02:20 – Cue overlay of ‘Bartholemew’, he couldn’t be in the office today but desperately wanted to be part of the video. Give him something inane to say like ‘shake that’ or something to make him feel that he belongs. He’s responsible for ThinApp integration, so don’t go too over the top, a couple of seconds should keep him quiet.

Directors note – Be sure to focus on VMWare marketing material attached to various cast members rear ends, need to enforce messaging that the product is a load of old ‘ar$e’.

Note to editing – 02:38 – The twat from the sales team is on, ensure that his audio sync is 0.5 seconds out so he can’t brag about how good he is.

Note to editing – 02:41 – Get someone famous, maybe an Arnold Schwarzzzzeneggger ‘sound alike’ to dub over the product localisation guy who can’t speak English.

Note from Casting – 03:00 – There’s a slot for a dance guru at this point. The old guy from Marketing reckons he can move, give him a chance to strut his stuff. Make sure he wears his black 90’s Goth clothes so that he stands out from the rest.

Note to camera #1 – 03:13 – Be sure to get long shot of ex-employees who were sacked for the View 4.0 release, they seem to have stolen the pretentious art work from the office foyer. We’ll get them later.

Note to Camera #2 – 03:20 – Get a shot of the successful Desktop Virtualization company across the road. If we give these guys hope of useful employment they might start to smile a bit more.

Note to security – 03:27 – Call the FBI and ask about the reward for the guy who is number three in the most wanted list….just spotted him wearing a Fez, smiling broadly at the camera.

Note to casting – 03:33-03:36 – Cue the ‘shake that’ and Goth employees again, no extra pay, it’s for the ‘Kudos’.

Note to choreography – 03:36 – Those laxatives we put in the alcohol should just be starting to work now, see what kind of maneuvers the cast will perform in order to avoid shitting themselves.

Note to HR – 03:53 – Sack the girl wearing the pink boa, she’s done F-all throughout the video, and will probably still want the $5 danger money we’re paying the rest of the crew.

Note to editing – 04:00 – Show the audience what you can really achieve with that free edition of Microsoft Movie Maker, go wild, I want the full gamut of transitions, fly in/out’s and blinding text manipulation. Be sure to add ‘photo sensitive epilepsy’ warning to released video.

Note to camera #3 – 04:08 – Short focus, long body shot of the lead architect for View5, cute kid in green t-shirt – get her parent’s permission before you stick this on YouTube.

Note to editing – 04:11 – Edit in cut of cool 80’s guitarist. I want to show the audience that I was cool once, long before I had to take these crappy corporate gigs.

Note to editing – 04:15 onward – Add various interleaved shots of the VMWare office. Why do Citrix get a huge building and we have to take turns developing in that crappy little car. Shotgun for this afternoons bug review, I want a seat for that 5 hour meeting.

Note to casting – 04:59 – Let the marketing guy do his ‘Robot’ thing, it can’t make things any worse.

Note to self – 05:07 – Buy aspirin, sharp knife and get the wife to run me a hot bath, I can’t do this anymore.

You were only upgraded from jokes to clowns….